Episode 9: Happiness

Welcome back to Wisdom from the Aerial View, a podcast dedicated to changing the way we think about living our lives in a peaceful, positive, and purposeful way. And in so doing, living a life full of more happiness. And we start today's podcast by inserting the word happiness to the aerial view. Now, Dr. Klein, Mark, you've got a chapter in the book entitled Sharing Happiness with Others. But I want to talk first about, I got online and I was on YouTube and I was looking at a YouTube thing by Arthur Brooks, who's a Harvard professor. And he teaches a course, which is the most popular course at Harvard, on happiness. And he defines happiness as enjoyment, purpose, and satisfaction. And he talks about the four things you need to be happy. Faith, whatever that faith is, family, friends and work. Now his whole thing about happiness is about our own happiness. In your book, you're talking about happiness of others. So I thought let's talk today a little bit about our own happiness and why it's important to be happy for other people. So let's start with happiness for ourselves. Do you think that those four work, faith, family, friends and work?

Too many things for me to remember. have a limit of three. So you have to pick one of those and throw it out, right? Just pick the top three, right? And good morning to you, Enid. It's always...

Yeah, yeah. And thank you, sir. I know you're not feeling well today. If you a little bit of cough, that's fine. We all understand. We're all going through that. So if you do cough, that's okay.

That is why God invented the mute button. That's the reason. Happiness. So you might not even be aware of this, but the first book I wrote well over 20 years ago, actually way over 20 years ago, was on happiness. Yes. And so I'll give you the summary of the book in one sentence. So for me, happiness is proportional to two major topics.

Is that it? Okay, okay.

Is that right?

The first is our relationships. I'm convinced that the single most important area that we need to focus on in our lives to achieve happiness and also fulfillment and also completing our mission of evolving from selfish to selfless, from inward that would focus, all center around our relationships. There is nothing more important. I like to say, know, Hamlet isn't a story about the weather in Denmark, right? It's about his relationships. And every great novel, every great piece of fiction, every great movie centers around relationships and our life center about relationships. So if you want to be happy, I can tell you for sure you have to master relationships. Easier said than done. You would think that was something we would learn from the very beginning. Since it's probably the most important thing in our lives, you figure somewhere along the lines would be a course on how to have relationships, friends, coworkers. colleagues, significant others and so on. But I don't think there's a, I don't remember a course in high school. Did you remember that course in high school about that?

No, I don't, but I remember relationships in high school, but not the course, yeah.

Right, of course. Most of us learn along the way and many of us are not as, almost all of us are not as good as we should be or would like to be. So happiness is a cornerstone, relationships are a cornerstone of happiness. The other cornerstone of happiness is something we talked about a couple of episodes ago, which are accomplishments. How we I think we talked about why bother to do anything. That was the topic. And it really was about accomplishments, why accomplishments are so important. So if you want to be a happy person, this is what I wrote about in my first book and I think it still holds. Again, it's hard to say two things are responsible happiness. Arthur Brooks, who's a very learned guy and very interesting guy, has four things. That's a little bit arbitrary. There are obviously many factors, but I think the two key factors for me are relationships and accomplishments.

interesting guy has four things that's a little bit arbitrary there are obviously many factors but I think the two key factors for me are relations

So.

So let's talk about how we combine those and create happiness. So I like to say that happiness is an internally manufactured product. In other words, when people look in their lives and they want to be happy and they look initially outwardly, if I win the lottery and get a billion dollars or if I get the best job or if I meet the perfect person or whatever, I'm going to be happy. That's not how it works. Happiness is manufactured internally. I like to say we have an internal happiness factory and the raw ingredients are the things we've already mentioned, accomplishments and relationships. If you continually focus on developing great relationships and you continually strive for accomplishments in any area of your life, it doesn't matter what it is. If you continue to put those raw materials into your internal happiness factory, you will end up being happy. Happiness will never...

Happiness is manufactured internally. I like to say we have an internal happiness factory. And the raw ingredients are the things we've already mentioned. Accomplishments and relationships. If you continually focus on developing great relationships and you continually strive for accomplishments in any area of your life, it doesn't matter what it is. If you continue to put those raw materials into your internal happiness factory, you will end up with else.

come from an external source. Or let's put it this way, lasting happiness, long-term happiness will not come from an external source. It will only come from your internal happiness factory.

happiness will never come to the external self. Lastly, happiness, long-term happiness, will not come to the mental health. Right, you're talking in your book about short, in your book you're about short-term and long-term happiness. Explain what you mean by that.

Okay. So let's say you get a phone call and you won the publisher's clearing house. You know, got $10,000. Wow. You're going to be happy. Everybody's going to be happy, right? But you got to spend that money on something and that money is going to go away. And eventually you're back where you started. So that's short-term happiness, but it hasn't produced the long-term happiness that can only be manufactured internally. So here's another thing that's very common.

Okay. You're gonna be happy. Right.

So that's short-term happiness, but it hasn't produced the long-term happiness that can only be manufactured internally. So here's another thing that's very common. One of the things that disturbs me the most about our current society is that short-term happiness can be achieved by putting others down. You know, keep somebody one wrong, lower than you on the ladder. You feel relatively good. That's what I call relative happiness. So by putting people down, by taking advantage of people,

One of the things that disturbs me the most about our current society is that short-term happiness can be achieved by putting others down. If you keep somebody one rung lower than you on the ladder, you feel relatively good. That's what I call relative happiness. By putting people down, by taking advantage of people, you theoretically could make yourself feel better and develop some short-term happiness. It happens every day. We see it, the way people talk on the internet and social media, how they degrade people and insult people. and it makes them feel better for about 10 seconds. That's not gonna last, I guarantee it. So not only is it unkind, it's unproductive. It's never gonna work.

Wait, so you're saying that when somebody is putting somebody else down, whether it be in person or on social media, you're saying that's making that person happy?

Sure, because it creates a situation where you are now a rung above the other person. if that person is so stupid or dumb or did something idiotic that you don't approve of, you by definition feel yourself superior. Well, look at that dope what that person did. By definition, therefore, I am superior. I feel good about myself, but it won't last. It won't last 10 seconds. That's super short-term happiness. The only way to have long-term happiness is to concentrate on the

Hmm.

on the raw materials that allow you to manufacture your own happiness. Happiness has to come from within. Now, I've watched Arthur Brooks on YouTube videos, I've watched some of his lectures, and I like a lot of things he says. Very smart guy, no doubt about it. But I think when you start to say these four things are going to bring you happiness, they only will bring you happiness if you inculcate them into your own persona. If they somehow create you, allow you to be a more developed, more secure,

I've watched Arthur Brooks on YouTube videos and watched some of his lectures. And I like a lot of things he said. He's a very smart guy, no doubt about it. But I think when you start to say these four things are gonna bring you happiness, they only will bring you happiness if you inculcate them into your own persona. They somehow create you, allow you to be a more developed, more secure, more accomplished person. Then if those things bring that to you like religion, sure, religion's great if...

more accomplished person, then if those things bring that to you like a religion, sure, religion's great if you use it to build up a sense of worth, meaning I'm a more moral person, I'm a more ethical person. I care about other people. I'm going to donate my time, my money, whatever, to assisting others. Yeah, sure, that's a very positive thing. That's a good thing. But again, it has to come from within. You have to take those outside entities, outside events or interactions, whatever they may be, and

You use it to build up a sense of worth, meaning I'm a more moral person, a more ethical person. I care about other people. I'm going to donate my time, my money, whatever, to assisting others. Yeah, sure, that's a very positive thing. That's a good thing. But again, it has to come from within. You have to take those outside entities, events or interactions, whatever they may be, and...

And by bringing them internally into your happiness factory, that's how you generate long-term happiness. It has to come from within.

by bringing them eternally into your happiness factory, that's you generate long-term happiness. has to come from you. I would point out, he didn't say religion. He actually used the word faith as opposed to religion. And I think there is a difference. But the other things, the four things that faith, family, mean, friends and work, when you think about those four, whether it's four or five or eight or a ton, they're all the same in that it's what you bring to the table.

you

what brings your happiness. I was thinking just recently that a couple of things. Number one, he runs the most popular course at Harvard, Course on Happiness. So why do you think everybody's running to that course? Why does everybody want to take that course?

Oh, come on, I thought you were going to give me a hard question today. It's like Willie Sutton, you go with the money. So what do people want to be? Happy. Oh, there's a course. I looked in the curriculum and there's a course on happiness. And if you take this course, not only do you get three credits, but you end up happy. That's fantastic. A course at Harvard probably costs about $10,000, $15,000. But hey, what's the value of happiness? So that's why, of course, it's why...

Come on.

I'll give you a really, I don't think I've ever told you this, but I used to go skiing with a bunch of doctors from Washington DC. We'd go out every year. Generally on Martin Luther King weekend, because doctors don't like to take time off, so it was a way to get a three-day weekend without having to close the offices. And there was one guy on the trip who was a psychiatrist, and everybody wanted to ride the chairlift with him. They wanted to go up on a 20-minute chairlift and then just unburden and get some free advice and...

All right.

Get some fruit.

because the psychiatrist, he's got all the answers. I don't know how many psychiatrists you know, by the way, but they're searching just as much as the rest of us. But that aside, the opportunity to get some insight from a learned person in terms of your emotional wellbeing, everybody wants to hop on that chairlift with them, right? It's the same thing with Arthur Brooks' course. If somebody puts up a sign that says, happiness here, with arrows pointing to it, people are going to run there. So that's why.

happiness here, in our point of view, people are gonna love it. But you see, seems to me everybody right now in this climate in which we're living, we're all sort of seeking happiness. not, I mean, you look at, I was looking at today's paper, they talking about the Super Bowl. It was the more watched than any other Super Bowl and any other television show, and it was the worst Super Bowl in history. But everybody was watching it, maybe for that short term happiness. I mean, we have to have something to rally around. something that we can all be positive about and that maybe, maybe, particularly if you're an Eagles fan, that makes you happy. You think that's true?

Well, I think that's short-term happiness. mean, enjoyment, let's substitute away from enjoyment. Why do you go to the movies or go to a concert or go after dinner even? You're looking for enjoyment. That's very, if you want to use the term happiness, that's really short-changing the definition of the word. That's taking happiness at its least valuable definition. It's enjoyment. So everybody wants enjoyment in their life, of course. You watch Super Bowl and I know you're a Bills fan, so you probably...

Well, they should have been in it, let's be honest. yeah. Yeah, they got cheated, yeah.

weren't looking forward to the Super Bowl anyway, even though, okay, I agree with you, but that's, you know, we're gonna talk about choices on another podcast and we'll get to that, but excuse me. So getting back to the happiness factor, we can have short term happiness, short term enjoyment, but that's not what people are looking for. because it's too hard. You got to replicate it every 10 seconds, every two minutes, every day. You can imagine if you, you know, it's like Groundhog Day every day. Remember Groundhog Day, that fantastic movie where every day is the same, same day is repeated. Bill Murray, so you wake up every, can you imagine, wake up every morning and you have nothing in the tank. The tank is empty. Now you got to fill it up with happiness. And by the time you get up the next morning, the tank is empty again. That's exhausting. That is not what people are looking for. So you can have short-term enjoyment, short-term happiness, but you don't want to have to create it every single day. But. If you get that internal happiness factory working by supplying the raw materials of accomplishments and relationships, then your tank is not empty in the morning. And that brings us to the aerial view. Because it's very hard in what we call the street view, that's our everyday life, to meet that requirement, to generate those relationships, to generate those accomplishments. It's a lot of work.

Good, let's go.

It's not easy for many, many people. We talked about why it is that accomplishments are hard to acquire. We talked about how reinventing yourself, I think in the last episode, how reinventing yourself is such a valuable tool. And by the way, I was watching something on TV about some sports people who had reinvented themselves. It just brought up the topic we talked about before. And I mentioned we talked about how every famous person you know has reinvented, every successful person has reinvented themselves. Okay.

reinvent themselves.

So here we are in the aerial view. In the aerial view, when you see the world in its entirety, when you see time in its entirety, when you remove yourself from the page, from that protagonist in the book to becoming the disinterested observer, the reader of the book holding the story in your hand, that allows you that perspective to realize that many of the things that bother us in the street view every day are not meaningless, but way less important than you think. You see your life from the day you were born to the day you die. You see all those moments and you recognize A, the equivalency of all moments, B, that moments do move on and C, any single event when seen in its entirety from the aerial view is way less significant. It allows you to have that, gives you the luxury of relaxing, of not having to feel the pressure every day if you wake up one day and you're in a bad mood or you're quote unhappy. Okay.

see your life from the day you were born to the day you die, you see all those moments and you recognize A, the equivalency of all moments, B, that moments do move on and see that any single event when seen in its entirety from the area of view is worth way less than this. It allows you to have that, gives you the luxury of relaxing.

From the aerial view, you realize you should start laughing. Of course that's going to happen. You have X number of days in your life, right? The sun's not going to be shining every day. It's going to rain, it's going to snow, it's going to be tornadoes, et cetera, et cetera. We like the sunny days. We like it when it's 70 with no humidity and then sun's out. But we recognize that's not the way it's going to be. Same thing here. When you're in the aerial view, you have that long, that wide, wide field of view, that wide perspective, and allows you not to focus on any single event, whether it's good or bad, or makes you unhappy temporarily, you can recognize that these are just single temporary events. One of the many events of the many, many events or moments that create your lifespan from that first record you're on in our jukebox of time to the last record that you're on, the interval between the two is our lifespan.

you can recognize that these are just single temporary events one of the many events many many events or moments that create your life span. From that first record you're on in our two blocks of time to the last record that you're on.

It's much more relaxing. It's comforting. It takes the pressure off you.

much more relaxed and comfortable and takes the pressure off. You know, let me do this. And you're not a psychiatrist and that's fine, but I'm going to ask you for your advice and opinion. A very, very, very dear friend of mine is very upset about what's going on in the political world today. He's really devastated about it. And I said to him, you need to look at life a little differently. Get out of the street view and into the area view and think about something else. He said, what am I going to do to be happy? How am I ever gonna get out of this and how can I be happy? So if you would do me a favor, would you talk to him today? Tell him he's listening, I'm sure he's listening, I know he's listening. What he should do because he's living his life in such a way that he's creating an unhappiness within. What should he do? Talk to him.

I don't think this is difficult. The first thing is to say, we're to talk about this, I think, in a later, in a future episode about how being right is overrated. We're going to talk about that. So he's sure he's right about the political environment. So I'm going to assume from what you're telling me, thinks Trump's the worst thing that could have happened to the planet and so on. Okay, fine. So he's very destroyed. The first thing I would say to him would say, Well, did you notice that more people voted for the guy you hate than voted for the person you wanted? That's number one. So you're in the minority. At least you have to give the majority the benefit of the doubt, saying, okay, maybe they're not all terrible people. Maybe they know something. And then I say, so that's the first thing, be humble. You need humility in this life. You could be wrong. He might be right. Trump might be the worst thing that ever happened, but we'll see, right? Like three weeks old or whatever it is. it? Nope, no politics, But the point is, the point is when you're in the street view and that's all you see and you're allowing the events of the street view to pull you this way or that way, this is a terrible way to live. So the first thing I would say is be humble. You could be wrong. Maybe you're right, but maybe you're wrong. So that ability to say that I can be wrong is very powerful.

Okay

It brings you down a notch. gets you off your pedestal to realize, okay, I see it this way, but there's a decent chance I'm wrong. I respect that. That takes a little pressure off. But more importantly, you got to get out of the street view. You have to understand that we've had, he's the 47th president, right? Well, 46 really, because he's been president twice. Okay, fine, whatever. So we've had 45 other presidents dating back to George Washington. We've had some real losers. We've had some terrible periods in our country from...

You have to understand that we've had, he's a 47th president, right? No, yeah. So we've had 45 other presidents, dating back to George Washington. We've had some real losers. We've had some terrible periods in our countries, from dating from the War of 1812 to the Civil War to the disaster of the Jim Crow era to the World Wars, the Great Depression. And we've had a bunch of stuff.

you know, dating from the War of 1812 to the Civil War to the disaster of the Jim Crow era to the World Wars, the Great Depression. And we've had a bunch of stuff and we've had presidents who've done one stupid thing after another. In fact, probably most of them have done one stupid thing after another. Okay, you have to look at time in its entirety. can't just, you have to understand that your life is not dependent and your happiness and your worth.

presidents have done who've done one stupid thing after another. In fact, probably most of them have done one stupid thing after another. Okay, you have to look at time in its entirety. can't just you can't you have to understand that your life is not dependent and your happiness and your work is not dependent on what's going on in the street. There's another story. Your work, your value has nothing to do with going on in the street human in many ways, you have to act appropriately in the street, but you are not required to be tugged

is not dependent on what's going on in the street view. There's another story. Your worth, your value has nothing to do with going on with the street view in many ways. You have to act appropriately in the street view, but you are not required to be tugged to and fro by the street view. You have to understand that you are in the street view, are the protagonist on the page and the protagonist seems helpless. The protagonist, he or she can't control what's going on around them. But the disinterested observer, the person holding the book in the hand,

and throw by the street. You have to understand that you are in the street that you are the protagonist on the page and the protagonist seems helpless. protagonist, he or she can't control what's going on around them. But the disinterested observer, the person holding the book in the hand, sees the whole story from page one to the end of the book and knows that there will be ups and downs for this protagonist or for this society or for this world. So therefore, your role in it cannot be to

sees the whole story from page one to the end of the book and knows that there will be ups and downs for this protagonist or for this society or for this world. So therefore, your role in it cannot be to affect a wholesale change in the way the universe works. Your role in it is very specific. It is to evolve from selfish to selfless, from inward to outward focus. To turn the camera around, woe is me. my God, I'm so sad that this guy's president.

effect wholesale change in the way the universe works your role in it is very specific it is to evolve from selfish to selfless from inward to outward focus to turn the camera around woe is me oh my god I'm so sad that president that this guy's president and these things are happening too who cares about how you it's not important so much how you feel it's what you're doing in terms of your mission

and these things are happening too, who cares about how you... It's not important so much how you feel, it's what you're doing in terms of your mission to turn that camera around and do what you can for others. If you focus on yourself and you see things happening in the street view that are upsetting to you, it's going to drag you down. Why in the world would you let that happen? That is a very silly approach. What you need to do is say, okay, what can I do? What can I do to focus on being the person I need to be?

Turn that camera around and do what you can for others. If you focus on yourself and you see things happening in the street that are upsetting to you, it's going to drag you down. Why in the world would you let that happen? That is a very silly approach. What you need to do is say, okay, what can I do? What can I do to focus on being the person I need to be? Okay, if I have a friend who's distraught about the election, I'm going to go talk to that person and explain that this is not the end of the world, that time...

Okay, if I have a friend who's distraught about the election, I'm going to go talk to that person and explain that this is not the end of the world. That time, history repeats, events repeat. The whole idea that everything repeats is a great clue to the fact that we shouldn't take it too seriously. Things happen again and again and again. The same thing happened. The same story is repeated in history again and again. Get out of that loop and understand that your job as the individual

that time history repeats, events repeat, the whole idea that everything repeats is a great... to the fact that we shouldn't take it too seriously. Things happen again and again and again. The same thing happens, the same stories repeated in history again and again. Get out of that loop and understand that your job as an individual has nothing to do with that. Your job always remains the same. So we make that evolution from the selfish person who's completely dependent on other people to the selfless person who has become a person of substance through the things we've talked about, through creating accomplishments, to reinvention.

has nothing to do with that. Your job always remains the same. To make that evolution from the selfish person who's completely dependent on other people to the selfless person who has become a person of substance through the things we've talked about, through creating accomplishments, to reinvention, who can then go out and help other people deal with the street view, to deal with the world they live in. That's the focus.

who can then go out and help other people deal with the street, deal with the world they live in. That's the focus. I think it's difficult because when you think about, and again, I'm not going to talk, Paolo, because you and I differ on this, but it is difficult because so many people are impacted by decisions made outside of ourselves that are maybe hurtful to other people. talking about what's, without being political, about you know, the manifestations of one crazy man or maybe two crazy men who are impacting the society globally. I mean, it's actually quite interesting and fascinating and maybe scary. But let me go back to what's interesting about your book. This chapter in this book is called Sharing the Happiness of Others. So instead of being inwardly focused, you're given, in this chapter, you're talking about outwardly, being outwardly focused to be happy for somebody else's happiness. Talk to me a little bit about that. Why you even wrote this chapter the way you did.

will talk to you about that in one second, but I do want to go back to what you just said about the political aspects of our current situation. First thing I would say is that we need to be humble. We need to understand that things are never as simple as they seem. And you and I actually politically probably don't disagree much because we have the same goal and we believe that it's important to treat people correctly, to be kind, to be generous. So the only thing between you and me is I try not to get into the weeds.

Mm-hmm.

Correct.

I don't get too worked up about these political issues because I recognize that, because I take the aerial view and I recognize these are all transient and there is nothing new under the sun and all of this has happened before and all of it will happen again. So to get dragged down in it to me is a misuse of my particular efforts on this earth. So that's the only difference. So I think that's very important. When people are mistreated, if...

I recognize it because I take the aerial view and I recognize these are all transient and there's nothing new under the sun and all of this has happened before and all of it will happen again. So they get dragged down and it for me is a misuse of my particular efforts on this earth. So that's the only difference. So I think that's very important. When people are mistreated, let's say a program that you're talking about is canceled and people hurt. My daughter-in-law is very actively involved in public health.

Let's say a program that you're talking about is canceled and people hurt. My daughter-in-law is very actively involved in public health. So have a fairly decent appreciation of how important these things are. If a program is canceled or diminished and it makes people hungry or ill or whatever, then nobody's going to feel good about that. Nobody. I mean, except the worst people on the planet, right?

fairly decent appreciation of how important these things are. If a program is canceled or diminished and it makes people hungry or ill or whatever, then nobody's going to feel good about that. Nobody. I mean, except the worst people on the planet, right? That's not the goal. So I tend to cut people a little more slack. I tend to let things play out a little more. And I spend a lot of time in the area. And that's the way to avoid getting dragged down into these things.

That's not the goal. So I tend to cut people a little more slack. I tend to let things play out a little more. And I spend a lot of time in the aerial view. And that's the way to avoid getting dragged down into these things. There's nothing new under the sun. You know, I've often said something that is taken the wrong way by people. would say, look, don't get us so upset. It's just a life. People go, just a life. What are you talking about? I go, well, what I mean by that is that we have a limited lifespan.

There's nothing new under the sun. You know, I've often said something that is taken the wrong way by people. would say, look, don't get us all upset. It's just a life. Just a life. What are you talking about? go, well, what I mean by that is that we have a limited lifespan. None of us, no matter what we do, none of us is going to win the game and live forever. It's not going to happen. So what we live our lives is if that's true. We've discussed this already.

None of us, no matter what we do, none of us is going to win the game and live forever. It's not going to happen. So, but we live our lives as if that's true. We've discussed this already. But you have to keep that in mind the whole time, that nobody's going to live forever. Everybody's going to have issues. Everybody's going to get ill. This is what happens in a life. There's another story underneath it or above it, depending on where you would put it. And that's the story of the aerial view, to keep that perspective.

But you have to keep that in mind the whole time, that nobody's gonna live forever. Everybody's gonna have issues. Everybody's gonna get ill. This is what happens in a life. There's another story underneath it or above it, depending on how you put it. And that's the story of the aerial view, to keep that perspective, to keep focused on what you need to do. So getting back to your question about sharing the happiness of others.

to keep focused on what you need to do. So getting back to your question about sharing the happiness of others, we talked a little bit about how putting people down, insulting people, being rude to people can temporarily make you feel better. Unless you're a comic, a comic is allowed to do that. Communities are allowed to do that. That's fine. I have no problem with that. But for normal people who sit behind a computer screen and write nasty comments to people either on social media or in comments on article in a newspaper or whatever,

we talked a little bit about how putting people down, insulting people, being rude to people, can temporarily make you feel bad. Unless you're a comic, a comic is allowed to do that, to be injured, that's fine, I have no problem with that. But for normal people who sit on a computer screen and write nasty comments to people, either on social media or in comments on an article in the newspaper or whatever.

This is absolutely a horrendous thing to do. A, it's unkind. B, you're wasting your time, buddy, because it's never going to make you happy for more than 10 seconds. What's going to make you happy is building your reservoir of accomplishments and personal relationships and then feeding them into your internal happiness factory. So why should you feel happy for somebody else? This took me a long time to get right. As I've said before, and as you know, I have made this evolution probably slower than many people.

As I've said before and as you know, I have made this evolution probably slower than many people. So I've gotten there, but it's taken me a long time. I'm not the quickest learner when it comes to these things. I told you I've been embarrassed and ashamed of things I've said and done. I've never done anything so heinous as pushing somebody in front of the subway. But I've said things and done things that, like all of us, I wish I had back. But that's part of the evolution. We're not going to get nowhere.

So I've gotten there, but it's taken me a long time. I'm not the quickest learner when it comes to these things. And I've told you I've been embarrassed and ashamed of things I've said and done. You know, I've never done anything so heinous as pushing somebody in front of a subway. But I've said things and done things that, like all of us, I wish I had back. But that's part of the evolution. We're not going to get it all right. But it took me a long time to realize that being happy for others is joyous. Because

So, what I, I took me a long time to realize that being happy for others is joyous. Because the analogy I think I use in the book is you buy a lottery ticket and the Powerball and a week later they announce the Powerball and you didn't win. Now, you really didn't expect to win. Right. But still, that might be that little tiny moment of disappointment.

The analogy I think I use in the book is you buy a lottery ticket and the Powerball and a week later they announced the Powerball and you didn't win. Now, you really didn't expect to win. Nobody expects to win, right? Like one in a kajillion, right? But still, that might be that little tiny moment of disappointment. And just that little tiny moment of disappointment is a clue that something's not right in your life. Nothing terrible, but something's not completely right. Because if everything was right in your life,

Just that little tiny moment of disappointment is a clue that something's not right. It's terrible, but something's not completely right. Because if everything was right in your life, and you were very comfortable with who you are, you were confident, you became a person of substance by working on this development of accomplishments and relationships, you would laugh. would the lottery ticket. You wouldn't even think about it for a second. You would just laugh. That would be the first thing. Of course, I didn't. But if you have that...

And you were very comfortable with who you are. You were confident. You became a person of substance by working on this development of accomplishments and relationships. You would laugh. You take the lottery ticket. You wouldn't even think about it for a second. You would just laugh. That would be the first thing. Of course I didn't win. But if you have that split second of gee, why her and not me? Why the women in Ohio and not me? That there's something, there's a little bit of something that's not quite right.

split second of do you why her and not me, why the women in Ohio and not me. That there's something, it's a little bit of something that's not quite right. You haven't really quite gotten there because your reaction should be, that lovely woman, how nice for her and her family.

You haven't really quite gotten there because your reaction should be, that lovely woman, how nice for her and her family. That's the answer. That's what you should say. Somebody got a really special gift. We'll see how it works out in their lives, but because lottery winnings are not always the greatest things that happen to people. Lots of bad things happen after that. But let's assume that only good things will happen to this lovely woman in the Midwest who won this Powerball. Wow.

That's the answer. Somebody got a really special gift. We'll see how it works out in their lives. lottery winnings are not always the greatest thing to happen. Lots of bad things happen after that. But let's assume that only good things will happen to this lovely woman in the Midwest who won this Powerball. Wow, this is great for her. Maybe she's been working since she's 10 years old and she's had five kids and one of has medical issues and she has all these grandchildren and now she can help her church.

This is great for her. Maybe she's been working since she's 10 years old and she has five kids and one of them has medical issues and she has all these grandchildren and now she can help her church rebuild from a fire that they Who knows, whatever. She could probably do a lot of good things. We're going to assume she's a really good person. She's in the Midwest. She's probably a really good person. So you should feel good for her. Wow, this is great. Her world is better. Therefore, the whole world is a little bit better. Therefore,

Absolutely.

My world is a little bit better, therefore I should be happy. If somebody else is happy, the world becomes a better place. You live in that world, the place you live just became a better place. You have also benefited. Maybe you didn't get the $100 million that the woman in Ohio got, right? But the world is a little bit better because somebody had something good happen to them. When good things happen to other people, and you, Enid, you know this better than anybody because again,

The place you live just became a better place. You have also benefited. Maybe you didn't get the $100 million of the women in Ohio, right? But the world is a little bit better because somebody has something good happening. When good things happen to other people, and you know this better than anybody. Again, for those of you don't know, Enid has dedicated his entire life to taking care of the city. So you know what that means. You get what I'm saying. Yes, but I guess what I'm saying too, though, is that if I

For those of you don't know, Enid has dedicated her entire life to taking care of other people. So you know what that feeling, you get what I'm saying, right? Enid (27:40.0) decided to spend $5 on a lottery ticket, whatever they cost. I've never bought one, but if I did, and I didn't win, and the woman in Ohio won, good for her, but I've still got to be a little disappointed because I lost $5. Doesn't mean I'm a bad person. Doesn't mean I'm going to be disappointed the rest of my life, but it does mean I can't go to Starbucks and get that $5 mochaccino, whatever those are. I can be disappointed. How would I not be disappointed? I lost. Now, is it going to ruin my life?

Hahaha

course, it's not going to ruin my life. And so I think, I guess to my mind, I can be both. I can be disappointed that I didn't win, because if I wasn't disappointed, then why did I bother to spend the five bucks in the first place? But I can also be happy for the woman in Ohio, can't I?

Okay. Yeah, look, I don't want to blow this out of proportion, but I don't really completely agree with you. I think you bought the lottery ticket. I'll give you an example. One of my former colleagues used to buy lottery tickets. We go out for lunch, you know, in our medical practice. We run out of the office at like 1230, run around the corner, get a sandwich, run back to the office, sit down for 15 minutes, eat and talk and laugh, and then we go back seeing patients. So...

No, I'm, you know.

Occasionally, there'd a giant Powerball or whatever it was lottery. He'd say, let's buy a ticket. We'll split it. And I go, I don't really want to buy a ticket. He goes, no, no, give me a dollar. So I give him a dollar, he'd buy a And we'd laugh about it. Never in a million, never once when we lost, is of course every single time, did I ever say, oh, I can't believe we didn't win. Never. So, but if you're buying a lottery ticket as a whim, it's like my friend and I did, just for fun. That's one thing. If you're buying it because you say, I need something to make me happy in my life, that hundred million dollars will do it.

Give me Sure. So if you're a lottery ticket as a win, like my friend and I do, just to find, that's one thing. If you're buying it because you say, I need something to make me happy in my life, that's $100 million to do it. That's the problem. And, I am just going to say it, but you actually have to move on to most exciting one. I don't know. I don't coffee. I'm a tea drinker. I don't drink coffee. Sorry.

That's the problem. And, although I am interested in seeing if they do actually have something called a mochaccino, because that's a great name. If they don't have one, they got to make one, a mochaccino. Anyway, the point is that it doesn't make you a terrible person, of course, but just the idea that you are looking for something to bolster your happiness means you're not quite generating enough internal happiness. That's all it means. It's not terrible. It just means...

Sure.

That factory is not quite up to full throttle. That's what it means.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. So the title of the chapter is Sharing the Happiness of Others. So talk to me about how do you share that? How do you share it?

How do you share? Like we said, when the women of Ohio wins the lottery and you read about her, you see her on TV, you're happy. When your colleague gets a raise, instead of saying, wasn't it me? You're happy because you're good with who you are. You recognize you're not going to win every game. You're not going to be the victor every time. You're not going to come in first every time. Sometimes other people will.

You're just happy.

If your internal happiness factory has done its work, then you're not crushed that you didn't get it, go, maybe next time, and you're happy for your colleague. That's what you want to get to. That's a way to live a life. Imagine that, that you're happy when other people succeed, even if it's not you. That's going to make you happy. That's a great way to be. That's the goal here, right? To feel, to...

and you're happy for your college. That's what you wanna get to. That's a way to live a life. Imagine that, that you're happy when other people succeed, even if it's not you. That's gonna make you happy. That's a great way to be. That's the goal here, Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what a great way to end this, because you're right, we wanna be happy, but we also wanna be happy for others. that's, you've got, that's great. So let me conclude today's podcast. I think we have run out of time here, have we, Doc? But let me, let me, okay, but let me conclude then as I always do. And that's with your own words. It's from your book, which I love to do because the book is great. Let me put a plug in again for the book. It's called, wisdom from the aerial view. The superpower that can change your life and this world. You can get it wherever good books are sold. You can get it on Amazon or Barnes and Noble or your local hardware store. I don't know, wherever they sell books. Mocachinos, can actually, you can have a Mocachino.

I think we're getting there.

The way they sell mochachinos, I think you can get it there too.

read this book, while you're sitting there sipping your mochaccino, he's gonna make fun of me for the rest of my life. And it's interesting because the next podcast we're gonna do is called Sticks and Stones. And you're already making fun of me here about my mochaccino, but I'm gonna sit here during the next podcast with a mochaccino in my hand. So I will conclude with the words from your own chapter. And in the chapter on happiness, you say, and I'm gonna quote you, when another finds happiness, the world is improved. How could that not also make me happy? Who doesn't wish to live in a better world? Those are great words. Those are great words to live by. And I think it's something we ought to think about today and tomorrow and maybe forever. And to my friend out there who I know has been upset about politics and all of that, as am I, but we have to think of things from a different view, from a different vantage point, not from the street view, but from the aerial view. And to think about if I'm... happy for your happiness. And I think that's great. And I thank you for sharing this with us, Dr. Klein, and also thank everybody for listening. And any final parting words,

love doing this with you, Enid. You're the best. And thank you everybody for listening.

We'll see you next time. Bye bye now.

Bye bye.