Episode 89: Stuck

[music]

Welcome to Wisdom from the Aerial

[music] View, the podcast for those who

seek to find meaning and purpose in

their lives and to reduce anxiety.

How's that, Doc? Did I get that?

>> A little twist. Close enough. Yeah. Hey,

look, it's, you know, it's your podcast.

Say anything you want.

>> You're mine. It's your podcast. Let me

[laughter]

You wrote to me I'm going to turn it

turn it on you for a second. You wrote

to me an idea for a podcast today. So

tell everybody what your idea was and

then I'm I'm going to switch it just a

tad, but what was your idea and and why

did you want to talk about it?

>> So the the what I wanted to talk about

is is really being stuck. So a lot of

people are stuck. They're stuck in

relationships that aren't aren't

meaningful enough or difficult. They're

stuck in jobs they may not like. They're

they can't figure out what they want to

do in their career. they're stuck in

some kind of other emotional uh

situation that they just feel

uncomfortable with. They can't get out

of just, you know, they're in a place

that isn't super comfortable. Uh and

maybe it causes sadness, maybe it causes

depression, maybe it causes anxiety. And

you know, so we talk about all these

things, but the real question people

want to know is how do I get out of

this? Right? I don't really care why. I

don't care about the underlying psych

psychosocial

phenomena that are causing me to feel

this way. I just want to get out of it.

how do I get out of it? Right? So, I

thought maybe we can try and do a little

public service and see if we can talk

about that and maybe make some progress

for people who listen.

>> I think it's great and and and it's

>> it's interesting that you sent it and

then I saw an article, you know, me in

the Sunday New York Times,

>> the Sunday New York Times and the

article was written by a professor of

psychology at the University of

Pennsylvania and the topic was

successful people have one habit in

common. Just read a little bit of it.

From an early age, we suffer from what

cognitive psychologists call the

illusion of selfsufficiency,

overlooking how much we owe our skills

to other people. In one experiment, two

groups of children were given a machine

they'd never seen before. In the first,

none managed to figure out how it worked

on their own. In the second, the vast

majority succeeded after seeing someone

else use the machine and getting hints

along the way.

Still, after the experiment, 70% of the

second group claimed they would have

learned to use the machine without help.

Being a successful selfarter doesn't

mean pulling yourself up by your

bootstraps. It's raising your hand and

asking a teacher to explain once again a

concept you still don't understand. It's

calling up a former boss for advice.

It's announcing to your team that you're

stuck on an important problem and you

need the collective brain to solve it.

Now, why do I think this is relevant to

what you're doing? Because sometimes we

need help. Sometimes we need to ask

somebody for help. We're stuck in a

situation and we don't know what to do.

And what do we do? We always think we

should be self-sufficient. And you're

saying, let's do a public service and

talk about what do we do? Should we

decide that it's all up to us? It's all

on our shoulders. Or do we go and seek

some help from our friends or somebody

else? Are we self-sufficient? And how do

we get out of our unstuck? How do we get

unstuck?

>> What you're talking about is a little

variant on a theme. Um, so let's start

with that. We don't have to start with

the main course. We can start with the

uh side dish. Okay.

>> All right.

>> So,

>> as long as it's gluten-free, we're okay.

>> So, let's say you're stuck in a sit in a

with a problem.

>> Yeah.

>> And you're thinking, "How do I get out

of this? how do I fix it? You know, and

you just can't come up with anything.

So, you decide, you know what? I'm going

to call for help. I'm going to talk to a

friend. I'm going to talk to a mentor.

I'm going to talk to a teacher. I'm

going to talk to somebody, you know,

whatever age you are, the appropriate

person of who might be able to seek out.

Just by doing that, just by that little

action, that is very fundamental to the

to how you get unstuck. You're doing

something about it. You're making an

effort in some direction or another. You

may make 10 efforts and run into 10

brick walls, but number 11, the door

will open. Right? So, you know, I always

like to say the difference between

people who succeed and people who don't,

the people who succeed don't give up.

Right? People who who don't succeed give

up, right? But what happens when you

give up and what happens when you stop

either trying to fix it yourself or

getting some help, raising your hand to

the teacher? I've raised my hand so many

times in classes since I was a little

boy, right? Saying, "I don't understand

this. I don't understand this. I'll give

you a really, this is a funny story. I

think I might have mentioned to you

offline once, but I think I was in

second grade. It might have been first

grade. It's very, very early, right?

Maybe it was first grade. Um, and the

teacher was explaining the globe, north

and south, right? And I had the hardest

I couldn't understand why everything

didn't flow from north to south. And

what was that mistake at that little

ass, six years old, 5 years old,

whatever. I I didn't have the concept

that north and south and east and west

were on a flat table and what really

counted in terms of gravity was up and

down. Right? So I had four dimensions,

right? I you know not four two

dimensions uh four directions, two

dimensions and I didn't understand the

third dimension, the vertical dimension,

right? And then so I kept asking and it

didn't get through and it didn't get

through. And finally whoever the teacher

was somehow explained to me that that

the map wasn't north and south wasn't up

and down, right? Up and down is

different than north and south, right?

So it's the y-axis versus the x and you

know the z-axis versus the x and y axis.

And we she didn't tell me that at 5

years old, but you know, six years old.

But okay. So why am I asking you that?

Because I because I struggled and I

would not let go until I got this. I was

so frustrated. Here I am many, many

years later. I don't remember how

frustrated I was. I understand that. So

to answer your question, yes, you have

to ask for help. But if you don't ask

for help and you just sit there and go,

I'm too dumb. I'm never going to get

this. What's the matter with me? You

know, everybody else seems to get it and

I don't. I'm just a loser. Okay, that

that's true. That can happen at any age

of your life. Any age. Raise your hand.

Ask the question. Do something. Do

something. There's a famous uh eagle

song called do something, you know, and

basically the message is, you know, if

you're feeling lousy, something's going

wrong, don't just sit there, do

something, right? And so what you're

saying is, you know, don't be what this

author was saying is what you're

paraphrasing is that, you know, just

don't be afraid to ask for help. You

don't need to do everything yourself.

But the to me the deeper message is do

something, right? If you can't figure it

out from yourself, fine. There's nothing

wrong with getting help. Don't just

throw your hands up and say this is my

life. Woe is me. You know, we live in a

victim society and you know, lawyers

love victims. Politicians love victims.

They feed on victims. Why? Because

that's, you know, lawyers get paid by

victims and politicians get elected by

victims. So, they don't really give a

damn about the people, right? No

offense, but they care about themselves.

You know,

>> you get that right.

>> You know, you know, trial lawyers and

and politicians, no offense. I don't

want to paint them all with a with a

single brush stroke, but it's pretty

it's a pretty wide brush, right? And so

it's not that they're so caring about

their their clientele and you know from

the trial lawyers the person in the

accident the and the politicians the

public at large and I don't want to be

too harsh but the point is they feed on

victims and being a victim is the worst

idea ever right with the worst look and

we talked about Dolly Parton a couple of

sessions ago you know Dolly Parton grew

up with nothing dirt poor like she's

like 15 siblings or something living in

a two- room house I mean you know she

had nothing Right. But you I I don't

remember ever hearing her say, "Woe is

me. I'm never going to make it." Right?

She decided, "I don't want to be a

victim. So, I'm going to teach myself

how to play guitar. I'm going to do

this. I'm going to do that." And you

know, we don't have to go through Dolly

Parton's life again. But she was, you

know, like we said, you know, anybody

that doesn't like Dolly Parton, the

onlybody that doesn't respect Dolly

Parton, you know, she was never a

victim. And that's the problem with

victims. So, the question now is if

you're a victim, a you should learn the

first rule is don't be a victim. It's

the worst idea ever, right? I don't care

what your circumstances are. It doesn't

matter. There have been plenty of people

who've had it worse than you. I don't

care how poor you are. I don't care how

it doesn't matter. And again, I'm I'm

saying this from somebody who who was

never really poor, right? And I mean, I

I have times in my life when I had no

money, but I wasn't really ever worried

about not being able to feed myself or

have a you have shelter. So, I don't

want to minimize it. But you don't have

to talk about me. There are lots of

people like that. The Dolly Partans of

the world. There's zillions of them,

right? Don't be a victim. So the

question is, okay, great. That's easy

for you to say, Mark. So what what do

you do if you're stuck? What if you're

feeling like a victim? You know, how do

I get out of this? And again, whether

it's a relationship or a career or a job

or whatever situation you're in other

than like a being held hostage by a

maniac. I mean, I'm talking about the

extremes. There's always extremes. There

always exceptions to the rule, but

generally speaking, for most people,

they are not being held hostage and tied

up in a chair in a basement with some

maniac, you know, abusing them daily. So

leaving those people out, the question

is how do you how do you get from being

a victim? What do you do? And you

alluded to it very early on by saying

raise your hand, right? Ask for help.

>> Right?

>> That sometimes is the answer. And

sometimes it's just as simple as taking

it back a step and saying, "I'm going to

do something." So here's an analogy I

used in one of my books. I can't

remember which one, but imagine you're

uh you're in a canoe, right? and you're

going through the ra or a raft on on the

rapids, right? And you're going down a

river and you're about to come to the

rapids and if you do nothing, if you do

not use your oars, if you just sit in

that boat, you are going to be smashed

to and fro by the current and you have

no control, right? That you are the

victim. You know, you might get thrown

into a rock, you may get tossed out of

the boat, you may drown, anything could

happen, but you have no control. But if

you start paddling, right, and you just

go a tiny bit faster than the current,

then you are in control. So you don't

have to just have to go a little faster.

You don't have to be a superhero. Just

go a little faster than the current.

Just don't let the current carry you.

Put some effort into controlling your

your course. And that all that requires

some effort. I'm sorry to tell people

life isn't easy. You have to do stuff.

You have to put effort into things. Of

course, what you find out is that the

effort is almost always rewarded 10

times over. And so what looks like

insurmountable uh effort turns out to be

well worth it at the end. You know, just

ask the marathoner or the person who

runs a tri does a triathlon or whatever.

You know, these people know at the end

the the uh the feeling of satisfaction

is over, you know, supersedes by a long

shot the effort you put in. But that's

where people make a mistake. They feel

like they're victims. They feel like

they cannot get out of the situation

they're in. And what Dolly Parton and

people like her tell us is that no, no,

you there's no such thing as being

stuck. You just have to paddle a little

faster than the current. And I think

this is a very hope for me at least,

it's a very hopeful thing. It means

you're never quite you're never done.

You're never stuck. There's always a way

to make a little progress. And once you

make a little progress, doesn't mean

you're going to be successful. doesn't

mean it's going to work long term, but

your odds of success go way, way up. And

I think that's a lesson that

unfortunately we don't teach kids enough

these days. And I think a lot of us

don't appreciate, especially again in

this victim-based society. It's a it's

this is a scourge on our society, I

think.

>> So, let me ask you some throw sort of a

monkey wrench into this. So, let's say

you're in a

>> Oh, don't do that.

>> Oh, yeah. Well, I hope I can hit you.

You're in a bad marriage. You're in a

bad marriage and you're stuck in a bad

marriage. Now you're not alone in that

marriage. There is someone else.

So are you in complete control of that

situation or not? Or if not, what does

one do? Cuz you said we're going to use

this as a public service. All right. I'm

in a bad marriage. I

>> What do you mean by a bad marriage? Are

you talking about an abusive marriage or

just you're not happy? No. No.

[clears throat] No. No. I'm just an

unhappy marriage. Abuse marriage. All

right. We can talk about both. But

>> no, let's just stick with the unhappy

marriage.

>> All right. Let's do unhappy. There are

It does take two to tangle. So, what do

you do? We're You're stuck. I'm stuck. I

can't get out.

>> You're never So, that's why I said

abusive, you know, if you happen to be a

woman and you're married to an alcoholic

who's beating you every day, that's a

different story, right? Right.

>> So, then you need help and it's not easy

and I don't mean I would never make it

sound easy and I've not been in that

situation. So, believe me, I'm not about

to pass judgment on people who are in

those difficult situations ever. And I

want them to get help and I want them to

be freed and I want them to uh to have

to to escape from a situation that's

that's abusive 100%. But again, let's

take it back a notch to the majority of

people, right?

>> So what do you do when you're in a happy

marriage? So nothing is never going to

work. All right, that's not going to

work. So what do you do? You have a

couple of choices. One choice is to say,

okay, maybe I'm maybe part of this is my

fault, which almost assuredly it is.

What can I do to make it better? How can

I refocus my energies? Maybe I should

maybe I should pay more attention to my

spouse. Maybe I should stop judging my

spouse. Maybe I should appreciate my

spouse more. Maybe I should worry more

about my spouse for a little while than

me. That's one option. Maybe that won't

work. Okay, what do I do next? Okay, so

I've tried that. That didn't work for

whatever reason. Okay, plan B. What do I

do now? Okay, you have some choices to

make. Most of them aren't going to be

easy. Maybe you say you go to marriage

counseling. Maybe that doesn't work.

Okay, now you're in plan C. So, as long

as you're doing something, eventually

you will you are likely, again, it's not

a guaranteed success. But if you do

nothing and you and you make no effort,

nothing good will happen. But I can tell

you, I I've been in a situation like

this. I, you know, I I I had a I went

through a divorce, which I don't

recommend for anybody. It's a it's a

it's very difficult for everybody,

especially for children. Um, and I'm

keenly aware of that. uh it's not my you

know it's when I look back on my life I

that's probably in the category of wish

it didn't happen wish it have gone

differently and I'm always saying what

could I have done better and so on but

you but you make changes you do

something you paddle you have to do that

and so as long as you stop thinking as

long as you think of yourself as a

victim you're doomed right you're never

going to get anywhere so success isn't

guaranteed but just making the effort

will make you feel better doing

something will make you feel better so

what I would say to people is look I

don't know who your spouse is as long as

your spouse is not an abusive alcoholic

drugaddicted, you know, hatchet wielding

maniac, then there's hope, right? And so

maybe part of it and almost certainly

part of it is you can you can affect

yourself. You you can only you only

responsible for your own act your own

actions. So you've heard me say this

before, you never diminished by the

misdeeds of others only by your own.

Never diminished by the misdeeds of

others only by own. You're responsible

for your own behavior. So in a situation

that you you change your focus, you try

and be a better partner, a better

spouse. You you do what you can, you

give it your best shot, right? I can

change this. I can affect this. I can be

better. Maybe it works. Maybe it

doesn't. If it doesn't, you go to plan

B. You go to marriage class. If it

doesn't, you end up getting divorced.

You get divorced. Okay, you're still not

stuck. Make something of your life. Do

something. Make an effort. Is it a

guaranteed success? No. But you will

feel better if you make the effort.

You've got to paddle. You've got to get

a little faster than the current. And

and I we've talked about people in

history who have gone through this uh

who have been in horrific accidents, who

have lost limbs and eyes and been ill

and have horrendous things happen to

them. And you watch these people rise

out of the ashes like the phoenix and

they live these incredible lives and

they give back to society and they

empower other people. And if they can do

it, I mean, anybody can do it. That's

the message, right? It's like it's not

that none of us needs to be I don't want

to say none because are the the the

cases we've talked about but the vast

vast majority of people should never

think of themselves as a victim. It's a

terrible philosophy.

>> Tell me why you think when we're talking

about being stuck. Why do you equate

that with being a victim? You can't be

stuck. I mean you have to be see

yourself as a victim if you're stuck. Is

that

>> I'm not equating them. I'm not equating.

I'm saying that's the worst case. Right.

Okay. People get stuck because they feel

as a victim and those people can't move.

If you think of yourself as a victim,

you're going to stay stuck cuz you're

sitting that you're sitting in that boat

and letting the current take you and

you're making no effort to change it.

Again, success isn't guaranteed.

>> But but when you talk about being a

victim,

um that means you on a personal level

think it's your fault or you're this

>> no that it's somebody else's fault.

That's the point.

>> And I mean that I mean that it's well

you I'm looking at you that it's

somebody else's fault. Um, but why? It

seems to me that you're still equating

the two that I'm stuck. I I'm not saying

it's your fault. I'm just I'm I'm stuck.

It's my fault. I can't seem to get out.

I mean, I don't think I'm a victim. I

think I'm just stuck.

>> Okay. For people who just think they're

stuck, I would tell you a lot of people

who are stuck

>> do think of themselves as victims,

right? It's unfortunate. So, the first

message is never think yourself as a

victim. Number two, if you're just

stuck, it's the same formula. do

something. Paddle that boat just a

little faster. Just sitting and and and

and and bemoning your fate is is a

losing for formula and you don't need to

do it. And don't take my word for it. I

mean, people should not listen to me at

all. They should just open their eyes to

what's happening in the world and look

at people who have been in terrible

situations and have made unbelievable

things of their lives. There's so many

stories, right? So, we've talked about

them. Um,

>> by the way, this is the Victor Frankle.

I mean, when you think about we talk

about Victor Franco a lot. This is a guy

who was stuck, who in fact may probably

was a victim and it didn't matter

because he, as you're saying, said, "No,

no, no. I am not stuck. No, I'm not a

victim, and I'm going to make something

of it." I mean, to me, that's the Victor

Frankle rule right there.

>> It is the Look, Victor Frankle is

absolutely the uh the star of the show,

right? So, he

>> he he would say, "I'm I'm responsible. I

have complete control of how I feel.

>> You can't take that away from me and I'm

in control and I decide you're not going

to make me feel like a victim. Now, he

clearly was a victim, but what did he do

with it? He helped other people. He

continued to learn. He talked to people.

He was a psychiatrist. He was interested

in other people's thoughts. He was

always learning from this. He was in

this experiment, right? is an experiment

of what happens to people who are

deprived of everything. Their humanity,

food, uh warmth,

>> you know, comforted, liberty, their

loved ones, everything. It was an it was

a science experiment, a a a horrible,

mean, evil science experiment. But he

looked at it and he goes, "Okay, what

can I learn from this? What can I get

out of this?" Right? And so he made

something of it. Now, we you know, this

is the extreme situation. Again, it's

the Victor Frankles of the world who

tell who teach us this. Don't listen to

me. Listen to Victor Franklin. Those

people who have who have done this. You

have to when you're stuck, you have to

first thing you realize is that you have

a paddle in your hand and you can start

moving. No matter how slowly you are

never really stuck. You can do

something. Make incremental changes.

Change the way you look at it. Right?

Again, we talked about the marriage. If

you're a spouse and you're unhappy,

change the way you look at it. Focus on

the other person. Let me see what I can

do to make my spouse feel better about

him or herself. Uh to to raise their

self-esteem, to be more generous and

kind to them, to go out of my way for

them to not focus on my own needs. Try

that, right? That'll get you somewhere

for sure. Anyway, get So, the point

being that people need help with this.

They need some a little push. And the

irony is you don't really, you know,

sometimes it's a helping hand like you

talked about. Raise your hand, ask for

help. But that also that also implies

that you're making an effort on your own

behalf. You have to make the effort.

There's no way out of it. But if you

make the effort, likely good things will

happen, better things will happen, and

you'll feel better. It's Victor Frankle.

You're going to feel better. You're

going to see it in a different way.

>> So, you know, let me talk about your own

profession, what you do for a living,

and and again, you're one of the good

guys. You've got somebody who's very

sick. They've been diagnosed. you read

their X-ray, you read their chart, you

read their whatever scan, and you they

are in a bad way. Are they a victim? And

if so, and they're stuck with a disease

or whatever, what do you say to them,

doc?

>> Okay.

>> And by the way, a lot of people are

going to be listening to this are going

maybe going through a health crisis.

What happened?

>> So, I have a bunch of friends. So this

was my whole career. But now I have a

bunch of friends who are going through

health crisis, difficult times, right?

And the first thing you do as a friend

is you just show them you care, right?

That's the number one thing. And that's

what I do with all my patients. You

care. You can't, you know, you can't you

can't fool people. They know if you're

caring if you care if you don't. all my

employees, you we just had we just had a

retirement party for one of my uh

longstanding employees and we were all

together and you know, everybody knew we

cared about each other, you know, at

least and I was the boss, but everybody

knew that I cared about them, right? I'm

not looking for a medal. I'm just saying

I did. That's just who I am. I cared

about them. They knew it, right? So, the

first thing is to care is to care about

the other people, right? But the other

thing is to say, and I've said this to

some of my friends who are, you know,

they're not they're not 80, but they're

not, you know, 40 either. And I say,

look, um, a, uh, medicine is changing so

fast that I can tell you there will be,

if not a cure, there will be new drugs

to treat your disease. I guarantee it

absolutely that the minimal expend

extend your lifespan. This is the era

we're in right now. That's number one.

So there's plenty of hope. But number

two is life is finite. You know, there's

a last record for everybody and it

really we think it matters if it's on

your 99th birthday versus your 89th or

79th or 69th birthday, but the truth is

it it seems that way, but it really is

not as important as it seems. We're here

for a mission. There's a reason you're

here. Focus on your mission. The number

of days you live is not the critical

element. It's what you're doing. It's

what you're the story you're writing,

the book you're writing, the novel

you're writing about your life. This is

what counts. So the number of days you

live is not the goal. It's not to max

this there's this one guy, forget his

name, who's spending this billionaire

spending all his money on trying to live

forever, right? You know what I'm

talking about. I forget his name.

>> Yes, I do.

>> And and I'm thinking, what are you

doing? What are you doing? You are

spending all your time working out,

taking, you know, creatine or whatever

other things you're taking. You're doing

all this stuff

>> for what? For what? I don't care. So,

okay. So, you'll live to 110 instead of

instead of 90. So, what have you done

with what are you doing with this time?

You're you're focusing only on yourself

and your quote health. No, that's a

mistake. You'd be way better off dying

at 80 and having accomplished a lot more

things for other people in your life

than living to 110 and spending all your

time working out. It's just a mistake in

my view. I don't want to tell people

what to do. But, you know, I used to

say, I don't know how to put this, Enid,

but I know this. I know this. I know

this to be true. I know this to be true.

We are absolutely on a mission. That's

why you're here. So, I tell people who

are ill, a you're going to there's going

to be things that are going to extend

your life, right? But your life is going

to end at some point, just as mine will,

just as everybody else's will. Don't

focus on that. Focus on what you're

doing. Spending time with people you

care about, showing you care about them,

helping them, your loved ones,

especially, any strangers in any way you

can. You know, I'll talk to anybody. I

was in the I was in the uh in the

doctor's office the other day, and this

is I didn't tell you about this. This is

so much fun, right? So I went for an

appointment for my own health health. I

was having a you know a specific issue

um that you know about and I was signed

the I came in. It was late later in the

day. I had they fit me in for the

appointment and I was talking to these

two women and they were probably both

one was probably in her one was probably

60 one was probably maybe 70. Uh they

happened to be women of color and the

only reason I mentioned that is because

it's always a lot more fun. So uh I love

I love women like that. They're so

great. But anyway, and we just started

talking about life and I started

espousing my, you know, usual stuff

>> and we just had the greatest time and I

I probably talked to him for 15 minutes,

right? And by the time we were done, we

were hugging each other. It was just

great, right? And you know, it was

great. And then I went back for my

appointment and then another woman came

in and she started I asked I just asked

her about her life. She was taking an

EKG on me as a matter of fact at the

time. I just asked her about her life

and she starts telling me and bemoning

this and that and so I started talking

to her about her life and you know how

she was undervaluing what she had

accomplished. She came from from

nothing. She lived in the project. She

told me uh life was tough. She has uh I

think two children. I said, "How are

your children doing?" She said, "Great."

I said, "Okay, well there you go, right?

Look at what you've done. You came from

a very difficult situation. You know,

your kids are doing well. Bravo, right?

Bravo. Take some credit for it, right?

feel good about it. So the point is that

that that's what we're here for. Talk to

people, encourage people, help people.

So whether they're sick like my friends

I'm talking about or whether they are my

patients or whether they're just people

I run into randomly at different places.

You have an opportunity every single

day. You don't have to be a doctor. You

don't have to be a rabbi or a priest or

or imam. You can just be a regular

person. Show interest in people. Listen

to them. Hear their stories. offer them

a little bit of encouragement and you're

making the world a better place. That's

what it's about. So don't worry about

how many days you're going to live.

There's an end to this to this project

we call life. It's going to end. We act

as if we do everything right, take every

supplement and work out every day that

it's going to change the ending. No, the

end the last record is coming. We don't

know when. So live your life as if it's

ending tomorrow, right? Do good things.

Help people. Listen to people. Show

compassion to people. you know, just

even just listening is enough, right?

Showing you care. That's the point,

right? So, if you give people that sense

of and that's meaning, that's real

meaning. Okay, I'm here for a reason.

And so, you can't be stuck if you're

doing this and helping people every day

in whatever way you can. If you're

listening people, showing compassion to

people, helping somebody in any single

small way you can think of, right? Hold

the door open for somebody. Help help

help help an elderly person into their

car or out of their car. Help carry

their their their pick up something that

drops out of somebody's bag in the

supermarket. It doesn't matter what it

is. That's meaning. That's purpose. You

can't be stuck if you do those things.

You are on your mission. You are making

progress. So when people say they're

stuck, no, you're not you're never

stuck. Do something about your

situation, but most importantly, find a

way to help somebody else. And then and

then you can't possibly be stuck in your

life.

>> And don't be afraid to ask for help.

>> Absolutely. I've done I do I [laughter]

do it every day. You know what I can

never understand? You know that story

like men don't want to ask for

directions, right?

>> Yes.

>> And I'm a man and in my marriage, Denine

is the one that doesn't want to ask for

directions

>> really.

>> Now, now of course it's we're past that

with GPS. We don't have to. But for the

first 20 years of our life or our

marriage, whatever it was, and I would

say, why wouldn't you ask for

directions? It'll save you time and

you're likely to get it right. Right.

Rather than, "Oh god, I need to do this

myself." Why do you need to do it

yourself? It's I'm going to give you a

shortcut. I'm going to pull into this

gas station. Remember we used to pull

into gas stations. Absolutely. And say,

"How do I get here?" And the guy behind

the counter would say, "Oh, make a left

here, right here." You know, you you

know, you know that tall building make

right. Right.

>> My problem with that was I pull into the

gas station. He said, "Now go north two

block." I never knew north from south.

It was very hard. I didn't know. And I

pretended. I said, "Oh, oh yeah, okay.

That's what I'll do." And then I got

back in the car and I said, "Now what do

I do?" So even if I asked, I didn't

know. Well, that's but that's me, you

know.

>> Yes. But you but the point is it, you

know, it's it's fine. It's it's smart to

it's it's not even fine. It's smart to

ask for help. It is when we shouldn't

think of ourselves as totally

self-sufficient and without some. The

other thing is it's it's really kind of

good. You're sharing something when

you're asking somebody else for help.

And sharing is caring. Well, that sounds

>> people love to help other people. Most

people love

>> You get so much satisfaction helping

somebody else. And that's the only

reason I'm always asking you for help

because I want you to be satisfied.

>> And I appreciate that. You're so kind to

me.

>> Yes, I know. I see the clock. We've run

out of time. We can talk forever, can't

we?

>> We People must be sick of us by now.

>> They could be. I want to wish you a

happy new year. And I want to thank you

for for being my friend and for um

letting me realize that I'm not

necessarily stuck stuck in the middle

with you. Anyway,

>> you're not a stuck person. Well,

>> I'm not stuck.

>> Well, first of all, yes. Um, I'm you

know how I feel about you. I don't have

to say it every single time, but you

know how I feel about you and I always

wish you the best. And I think uh these

these topics that that we cover, you

know, I do think in some ways hopefully

they'll they'll help you. But the last

message I would say is just you're never

ever stuck no matter how old you are.

[music] Just do something and go help

somebody else and I guarantee you your

life is going to feel better even if

just for a few minutes. [music]

>> Absolutely. Thank you, Doc. Appreciate

it. Thank you everybody for listening

and we will see you next time. Peace.

[music]