Episode 56: Volunteering

Welcome to wisdom from the aerial view of the podcast for those who wish to learn how to crush their anxiety and find meaning and purpose in their lives. Hi, Dr. Klein, how are you today?

Hello, Enid, how are you?

I'm very good. I'm quite good. We are about to enter, I know we tape these in advance, but we're about to enter a new year. And that's always good because this year couldn't have been worse. Well, it could have been, but not a good year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too many horrible things happen in the world. It's kind of a thing. A lot of horrible things. But you know, I've been soul searching a lot. And one of the things I said to you I really wanted to talk about today was about volunteering, or as I call it, service to others.

It can always be worse. Yeah, lot of horrible things.

And I thought what I wanted to do, and I wrote myself a little note here about themes and how I want to do, I wanted to break down the three parts. The first would be the good news. The second would be the bad news. And the third would be some interesting news. Okay? So if you don't mind, let's talk first about the good news, about volunteering. And it's a story I read about a woman, a gal whose name was Brice, I think it's Igor or Eager, I don't know, I'll say Igor. And it said, the last year, Igor, 27, has regularly joined a group of volunteers at an oak savanna in Northern Illinois to do ecological restoration work. She's learned about birds and plants, been inspired to take up home gardening, made friends over post-work, chili, and cornbread, and most important, gotten her hands dirty. You're not doom-scrolling, feeling completely paralyzed and helpless, she said. It's wow, I'm actually making a difference. Igor doesn't normally post on social media about volunteering, but last month, wondering whether peers on TikTok would engage if she promoted the topic, she recorded a prime time thing about her work at the Oak Savannah. A few weeks later, Igor, who works in marketing, posted the video with the text overlaid, no one talks about how volunteering is one of the best ways to fight existential dread. That's what she said. The post got nearly 80, thousand views in about a week. Igor said she received messages asking for tips on getting involved and viewers echoed her sentiments in dozens of comments. I love that. Here we are, 27 year old, so you know what? I don't even know what doom scrolling is, but she decided, you know what? That's pretty good. I write, I even know what it is. I should have looked it up. Do you know what it is? What is doom scrolling? What is it?

That's because you don't do it.

Yeah, just kind of just scrolling through your TikTok or Instagram feed ad nauseam until the end of time. Enid (02:36.5) Yeah, I see. Well, so she decided to do some volunteering. And isn't that what it's all about? I just love this notion of volunteering is, as you know, I for 20 years, I worked for an organization that had the largest volunteer army in the world was Meals on Wheels. And I loved every minute of it. And I loved all the volunteers because these are people who decide on a daily basis or weekly basis or a monthly basis or even yearly, they're going to give of themselves in service to others. And it makes them feel so good. And that's what our podcast is about. It's about how do we get away from who we are and look out, not from at ourselves, but outside of ourselves. And volunteering is really a way to do it. So I said, let's do a show on volunteerism. So you said, okay, here we are. Thoughts? Are you not always, thoughts?

I always say, okay. Yeah. I always say, okay. Well, I think, you know, obviously, as I said to you, when you brought this up, I said, well, we have one of the world's experts on one of the microphones. That would be you, not me. So I said, this is right in your sweet spot. I don't know anybody who knows more about this. And yeah, I think it's fantastic. You know, for me, from my perspective, it's a little different. We agree wholeheartedly that this is a great idea, that volunteerism is a great idea. And we probably look at it from a little different perspective in that I have not run a nonprofit for many, years as you have, especially when it's a large volunteer group in the country or in the world, you said? Maybe, I don't know. Wow, wow. So that's quite something.

Yeah, think it is. It might be.

But we do talk a lot, and we have in the last few episodes talked about this idea of being alone, people, whether you're older or certainly the elderly, but lots of all age groups, young men allowed them to spend their time at home playing video games, looking at porn, yeah, and doom scrolling, right? Yes. So, this is a huge problem in our society. as we've talked about many, many times, when you...

doomscrolling.

One thing about volunteering is you generally tend to do it in a group. And when you do it in a group... Then you have those interpersonal relationships that we talked about that are critical for personal fulfillment, personal happiness, meaning in your life, and what you just said earlier, which is of course focusing on other people other than yourself. So it's like the perfect green vegetable, right? It's got all the nutrients you want, right? So volunteering is not only great for the organization and the people you help, which of course is the goal, but the byproduct is you get this fantastic return. yourself as you do it. And, you know, we talk about this a lot. How do we know that helping other people is such a good thing? Because you feel great when you do it, right? It's like I was talking the other night, we had a dinner on Christmas, had a bunch of people over for a Christmas dinner. We talked a little bit about this, about how focusing on other people is this amazingly wonderful endorphin. It's this drug that lifts you and fills you with joy and gratitude and happiness and fulfillment and all the good stuff you want. really is the ultimate green vegetable of personal satisfaction.

Yes.

Yeah, it really is. I know that having worked in this field for 40 years now, 40 years, but one of the joys of it for me has always been meeting those folks who actually do the work, who go out and volunteer. They don't get paid. That's what it means to be a volunteer. The question becomes, are we asking people to...

.

look outside of themselves or are we saying to younger people, which is sort of problematic, you have to do this now because it's a service requirement. And that's the one I said, well, three themes. My second theme was bad news. Let me give you a little bit of the bad news. And that is the good news is that this young gal is is 27, decided to do volunteering. She posted it on the see, look, he's not even listening to me. And 80,000. Then they all said, what do I do? How do I get engaged?

Wait, what was the good news again?

No, I am, but.

So that's the point of it is when one person does it, it's a snowball effect. Other people understand, you know what, maybe I should try that. And now here's the bad news. The bad news is that it's very difficult to attract boys and men as volunteers. Across the ages, men volunteer less than women and men without college degrees are far less likely to get involved. Schools have common service requirements And once students are no longer in school, they drop off from being volunteers. That to me is the bad news. So how do we get more boys and men engaged in volunteering? A, why aren't they volunteering? And then number two, if the school has a requirement that you have to do volunteer work, and when the requirement is over and they're stopping the volunteering, what do we do to make them understand, you know, it's not such a bad thing. Why are you leaving it after the requirement is lifted? So first, let's talk about boys and men. Why are men, man, you, boy, why are they less likely to volunteer? What is it? What do you think?

the You know, it's funny, I'm listening to you ask these questions and I say, that my natural reaction is, let's go to the expert and go, wait a minute, Ian, it's also the expert. So you're the questioner. You should be the questioner and the answerer because you have, yeah, because you have this incredible wealth of experience. So you had the largest volunteer force certainly in the country, maybe in the world. Do you happen to know what percent were men and what percent were women?

Okay, judge and jury,

I don't know the percentage, I can tell you absolutely with no hesitation, mostly women, mostly women. Yeah.

Okay. So why the age range of these volunteers were?

Well, in our case, in our case, when you're delivering a meal to a homebound senior, which is what Meals on Wheels is, it's that period during the day. And obviously more women probably have time during the day because they're not, if they're not in the workforce, they can go and deliver the meal. Now, but more and more women thankfully are in the workforce and yet maybe they're just giving up some time or they'll take it during a lunch break or whatever. But it was always difficult to get men. There was always an excuse. But I guess, frankly, I'm tired of the excuses. How can we get more men to volunteer and maybe most important, why are they not? And I don't have an answer. I can be, I don't know if I'm an expert in this. I've done it for 40 years, I think I know a little bit. I still do not understand why men don't roll up their sleeves more often and do it. Don't know.

I think part of the answer is it's probably not as complicated as we might imagine. So women tend to be more social animals. They're more gregarious in terms of their interactions. Men tend to be quieter, more solo. This is just a generalization that's been true for generations and generations. There's nothing new. I'm not creating a false narrative here. It's just the way it is. It has to be easier for men and they have to have more role models to do it. So, you know, I'll you an example. When you watch, I know you're a huge football fan and I know you watch the NFL a lot. And one of the things you see on every single NFL game is some story of some football players volunteering. which I think is great. You also see it actually in, I don't watch enough of the NBA, but I do also watch some golf and you see that in golf tournaments because every golf tournament, people don't know this, but every professional golf tournament gives money to a specific charity in the city or region in which that tournament is played.

Yes, yes. I did too.

And although you don't see the individual golfers as much doing this week to week as they're playing golf, but a lot of them have these similar foundations where they give money or set up all kinds of...

Events.

foundations and events there to help people. Tiger Woods famously does that. Jack Nicholas has done it. mean, a lot of them have done this. you know, it's great when you see these very famous sports figures, especially football, because it's the most popular sport in the country. When you see them do this, so these guys have no trouble. In fact, listen to this, Enid, I don't know if you saw this, but over the last few weeks, the NFL has been highlighting their candidates for the NFL Man of the Year. So the man of the year is the player who has done the most for his community. And obviously it's very subjective and every team gets to pick one player to represent them. There are 32 teams, so 32 teams pick their guy and that guy then goes to compete, compete quote, to be selected as part of the 32 teams.

Yes.

Yes.

And so now that we're getting to the end, think actually the award is, by the time people listen to this, the award will have been given, because I think it's actually in a few days. But you would listen to these stories. And I watched one the other day. It was a kicker. I think it was a kicker for the Chargers. And it was unbelievable. And what this guy said, they're all young. Most of these football players are young. What he said was, once he started doing this, he couldn't stop. It was so addicting. He would go to like these children's hospitals, things like that. And I think it was mostly children's hospitals. He couldn't stop. He was just got addicted to this feeling. And this is what we're talking about, right? Once you start doing this, it is addicting. So when you look at a guy like that and all these NFL players and you say, wait a minute, these guys really enjoy this. And you can tell, I mean, they're not full of crap. These guys, they really do care. Let's put it this way. they really get a lot out of it. I can't tell how much they cared in the beginning. Maybe they thought they had to do it as part of their team responsibilities. But once they do it, you can tell they enjoy it, pretty much the vast majority. So it's not that men don't find this interesting or engaging or rewarding. I think they do. They just don't know how to get started. They just don't know where to go. They're just not motivated to either go online or pick up the phone or ask somebody. They're just not motivated to do it. It's not. in their DNA. And I don't think it's because they don't care. I think they just don't know where to start. So that's one thing we could work on. And you and I talked about this actually a few weeks ago about how to get more people volunteering because as we know, it is so rewarding. I think there is, I think if we're going to focus on this, it's not that men don't want to, it's they just don't know how to. And it's hard to get them motivated.

That's true. It could be. That could be. think there is this notion though that women who are, it's sort of, you're right, it's in our DNA. We're the helpers. We're the, and that's part of it. I do think that, well, let me get back to the question of in schools now, and when you and I were in school, this was not the case. made, nobody, didn't have, we have to do volunteer work. We didn't have to. Nowadays kids do. I don't know if that's a good idea or a bad idea. And why I say that is because the statistics bear out the fact that when they're done with the obligation, they live. They say, that's okay, I'm done. So maybe we're not putting them in situations that motivate them to continue on. I don't know what it is. There are so many organizations out there that need our help. It's funny, you mentioned the word charity. I never use the word charity. I never say I work for a charity. I work for a nonprofit and I do nonprofit work, but I don't think of it as charity. because I think the people that we help like it, need it, depend on us, and that's what volunteering is so important and why we ought to be doing more of that. And I think we would if we understood how much good it does for us, the giver, not just for those who receive the service, but for those of us who perform the service. It's such a good feeling to help. And this is something that you've written books about. This is all about what you look at. as you look at people, what the aerial view is, let me go back. Is the aerial view in a way sort of a 30,000 foot look at service to others? And that's what it's about, isn't it?

No, no, it's not the see, as we've discussed, the aerial view is a different perspective of the world. It's not the you said to me a long time ago, maybe you shouldn't have called it the aerial view. Right, right, right, right. It's not that it's not the 30th. It's understanding how the world works and what counts. And when you do that, all the things we do, in fact, we should have a little review session. We have recorded over 50.

And that's why I wrote this up. Bingo, bingo, bingo, because it's not that. Okay. Right. Right.

All right, here you go. you go. That's why, actually, that's why I brought it up. Go ahead.

We have recorded over 50 episodes of this podcast. It's now been a year. Actually, by the time this is released, this is probably at least a year it's worth of podcast. We should probably go back and review some of the earlier things we talked about because it's so important. So rather than spend time today about why is the aerial view of 30,000 of you of helping others, it's not. It's understanding once you understand how the world works and your place in the world and why you're here, then it becomes obvious. So the aerial view, though, is the number one prime example of why giving to others is so valuable because that's part of our mission to make that evolution from selfish to selfless, from inward focused camera on ourselves to outward focused camera on others. the reason is because, well, We won't get into the reason just yet, because we'll say that for another episode because we'll just review it because I don't want to detract from our conversation about volunteering and helping others. the point is that there is a reason we're here. Part of that reason is to make this evolution from selfish to selfless, from inward to outward focus to help others, because that's how we grow, that's how we prepare, that's how we get ourselves ready for whatever comes next. And it's also the source of the greatest source, the single greatest source of joy and happiness that a human can have. So let's get back again to what you said that is it a good idea for kids to volunteer in school, to be required to volunteer in school? I should say that. and then why do they leave it? Why do they not continue afterwards? So it is interesting. It's a really interesting question because all my kids have had to do this in high school, right? They need to like 40 hours or 60 hours or some number of hours. And you can get them a lot of different ways. You can get them working at a summer camp with kids. There's a million things you can do. So some of the things...

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

You know, we don't, they're not, here's the thing, they're not told when they're doing this why they're doing it, right? It's a requirement, like having to take algebra or a foreign language, right? It's part of, you gotta do it, right? Okay, well, that's probably the first mistake is let's talk about why we're doing this. If you say to kids, you're doing this because it's just a requirement, like in foreign language, they're gonna go, okay, fine, let me find something that I can do and get credit for it and they'll give you credit for it.

Right. Exactly. the same thing.

pretty much everything, believe me, it is a really broad basket. You can do a lot of different things and under quote, community service that you as a nonprofit expert might roll your eyes and go, really, that counts? But we don't tell them why. I never had my kids come up and say, dad, We have this community service requirement and the reason we have this requirement is going to make us better people and it's going to make us happy. It's going to make our lives more fulfilling. How cool is that? I never heard a kid say that ever because nobody's told them that. It's just part of what you do. We help other people. OK, why do you help other people? Well, I don't know. They tell me we have to help other people. No, that's not why you help other people. because at the end of the day, you find that it's the most gratifying thing you can do and it helps you make your successful evolution in your life. So it's a byproduct. in other words, helping other people is great. And I think it's, as you well know, it's the most, it's probably, it's the single most important thing you can do, but it's very selfish because when you do it, you feel fantastic and you go, oh my God, is that okay? know, am I supposed to be this happy? Am I supposed to feel this good? I'm supposed to be helping these other people who are in need, and I feel great, right? So I think we need to, that's an easy thing to fix. Every school could have a one hour introductory session, maybe some do, I don't know, I don't want to be too critical, but saying, why do we have community service? Because Jesus said to help thy neighbor, to love thy neighbor as thou loveth thyself, it was also in the Old Testament also, but. Maybe. But here's the even better reason, right? Because you're going to feel great. Because kids, you can tell them all you want about the New Testament, the Old Testament, the Quran. You can tell them anything you want. what they really want to know is what's in it for me, right? Because they're kids. Kids tend to be selfish. It's fine. It's OK to be selfish when you're young. Your whole point is to learn not to be selfish and to move in the other direction, to change that camera from yourself to other people.

Sure.

So it's okay to be selfish in the beginning because we're all born that way. Infants are the most selfish. But why is it important to help other people? It's not just because it's the quote, right thing to do. There's a reason for it. It's part of what you need to do to make your successful evolution and to feel great about your life. So we should spend a little more time on that. I think that would help. I have to ask some educators about this, but because I'm not one. But it's an interesting idea, don't you think?

I do. mean, I think maybe that's part of the problem. have to educate the educators first about why they are trying to get their young students to do community service. What does community service mean? And maybe the teachers themselves ought to be doing it with them. And that leads me to my third point. want to, yeah, yeah.

Wait, before you get to your third point, before you get to your third point, what would you, as really, I hate to use the word expert, but somebody who's so experienced in this area for so many years, if we put you in front of junior, middle schoolers and high schoolers, what would you tell them about public service and why the community service or public service or volunteering, why they should do this?

I wouldn't even tell them anything. would show them pictures. I would show them the pictures of the people for whom I volunteered. I would show them the picture of a guy named Al. Al was a guy I delivered a meal to in rural Pennsylvania. He lived in a trailer camp, which was in fact just a tin can. I went there on a hot, hot July day. It was 102 degrees in his trailer. He took his mattress, dirty, torn, disgusting, soiled. outside of the trailer because he couldn't stay in the trailer, it was too hot. And he waited with his dogs and his cats for me to deliver that meal. When he got the meal, he started cutting it up, some for him, some for the dogs and some for the cats. When I handed him the meal, he reached out and his arm was practically eaten away because he had cancer, he was dying. But the only thing that mattered to Al that day

Hmm.

was to make sure his dogs and cats got fed. So I would not necessarily have to tell students about it, I would show them. I would show them what volunteering does because as I walked away from Al, I turned back around to Al, he turned back around to me and said, God bless you. Thank you, you care about me. That's what volunteering is. Volunteering is saying, giving a piece of yourself to somebody else in need. And that's what I would do, I would paint a picture, by telling the story. think stories tell it all. No matter what volunteer experience you choose to do, no matter what it is, do it with your whole heart. Because when you do, you gain so much. So that's what I would do. I haven't been asked to do that yet, but if I were, that's what I would do. Can I get to my third point now? Because we're running out of time. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm totally, I'm sure people listening to this probably the same reaction I have just listening to that story. I mean, it moved me, I'll tell you. So I think you're onto something. Excuse me.

Well, I think about Al, interestingly enough, every day. Al has since died, but I think about Al every day of my life because Al gave me something that day that nobody else could ever give me. And I'll never forget it. What he gave me was hope that I could keep doing this, that one day nobody would be hungry, that he wouldn't have to divvy up his food to give some to his dogs. and sometimes cats. And by the way, I don't like cats, but I'm glad they got fed that day. I'm scared of cats. The last thing I want to talk about was this, what's happening in a place called Gaithersburg, Maryland, which is actually not far from where you and I are right now. We're in the DC area. And it happened at a senior living facility. They were all there and they were kind of bored. one of the teachers had moved in and saw that there was an elementary school nearby.

you

on a whim called up the principal of the elementary school and said, could a bunch of us come over and help out with the kids? the principal said, well, okay. And they went over and what began as sort of a whim became an intergenerational volunteer project. These old folks at the senior living place, it was independent living, they weren't in assisted living, but they were there. They went over to the elementary school and they became the granny and grandpas for these kids. And all they did, They gave the teachers a little bit of a rest and they sat in the classrooms and talked to the kids. They volunteered their services, their time to talk to the kids. And everybody got so much out of it because every Wednesday was grandma and grandpa day and the kids looked forward to it and so did the seniors. And so the point being you're never too old and you're never too young to volunteer. You're only too old or you're only too young if you say you are. Age has nothing to do with anything. These are these folks who are living in a senior living place and said, you know what, there's more to life than just sitting around and playing bingo. Let's go over to the elementary school every Wednesday and do our thing. And that's what volunteering is about. It's about saying, I can, I will, and now. So that was the third piece that I wanted to talk about today. It's reading, it's the four Rs. Reading, writing, arithmetic, and relationships. That's what it's about. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I think the last R is the most important one, as it turns out. Relationship was Trump at all. your expression, your story with Al, excuse me. It's something that, as you're telling this, it's very easy. I'm sure everybody listening to this had this image in their mind of this setting in the hot sun.

It is, and you've written about relationships. Yeah. Great.

trailer park and this poor gentleman and it's not hard to imagine. But it's also not hard to imagine your reaction to this because anybody who's been in this situation and then reached out to somebody has experienced it. As a doctor, as I've told you many times, that every day there was an opportunity to do this many, many times. You could do it with every patient. In fact, we had a conversation at Christmas dinner about this that the You have the opportunities of doctor to make a difference in each patient in a very interesting way, not making the right diagnosis or the best diagnosis or the most clever diagnosis or coming up with a great treatment or a surgery and so on. These are certainly very important. But if you just listen to patients and let them air out not only their current complaint, but something that might be on their mind, something that's been bothering them, whether it be loneliness or depression or could be anything in it. I've heard everything. And all you have to do is say, no, I have time. I'm in a hurry. No, no, you don't want you don't have time for me. No, no, I have time. That's OK. And you and maybe you don't have time. You probably don't have time, but it doesn't matter. You have to make time because if you really want to make a difference in your profession, you have to spend those extra couple of minutes listening. because so many times a patient has looked at me afterwards, I believe me, I didn't do a thing. I just sat there and nodded my head and listened and maybe held their hand on occasion. At the end, they would say, just every single time, thank you so much. That really meant a lot to me. And I didn't do a thing. Nothing, nothing. I didn't move the ball one bit in terms of their medical care. But I listened because I knew that that's what they needed. And here's, I know we're running out of time, but let me just say something very, I think it's very, very poignant and very important on this topic. One of the things we learn in the aerial view is that time is finite, that we all here for a limited time, what we call the jukebox of time. So we live on a certain number of records in the jukebox of time. The first one is the day we're born, the last one is the day we leave this earth.

But those records play forever. No record ever stops playing and all records are playing simultaneously. We've talked about this many times. So why does this have to do what we're talking about? Every life is going to end. Every life is finite. You cannot do everything right and win the game. That is the most important clue of all. No matter who you are, no matter how rich, famous, powerful, it doesn't matter. The end is coming for you on this earth. So what are you going to have left when you're done? What's on those records that will be playing in perpetuity? It's what you've done for other people. It's how you've opened your heart and given of yourself and changed that camera from focusing on yourself to focusing on others and brighten their lives, if only a bit. You didn't save Al's life. Al had cancer. He was destitute and he was going to die and he did die. Enid Borden did not save his life, but Enid Borden touched his life. and Al touched Enid Borden's life. And that's what it's all about. That's why we're here. You cannot win the game. There is no amount of wealth or power that will allow you to the game. It's those moments like that without that you discussed. That's why we're here. And that's the message of the aerial view. So that's what we need to teach our kids. That's what we need to teach young people. This is the reason to do this. You're creating a story. You're creating a biography. What do you want to be in that biography? And not only that,

That's right.

you will be the greatest recipient of the effort you make on behalf of others. Enid (29:40.8) I leave you with parting words of what Mahatma Gandhi said. He said, best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. And it's true. It's true. I will give you the last word of all Mahatma Gandhi's last words. It's pretty good.

Amen.

We're leaving it with you and Mahatma Gandhi. have nothing to add to that. And I just want to thank you for suggesting this topic. It was great. And we couldn't have a better person to talk about it than you.

Thank you.

No, just, last word, let me have a last word. Go volunteer. It'll make you feel good. Have a wonderful day, doc. Appreciate it and love you.

Love you too. Thank you everybody for listening. Bye bye.

Peace.